Trumping stupidity

According to US presidential candidate Donald Trump, this is what Paris should have done to prevent the large number of fatalities inflicted on its citizens by ISIL last week:

Every Parisian going out on a Friday night and sitting on a bar stool or a restaurant chair should have had their Kalashnikov* on their lap at the ready. Handing it in to coat check wouldn’t have worked – neither would hanging it on the back of their seat or on those little hooks underneath the bar counter. They would have had to be locked and loaded to stand a chance. Come to think of it, considering Parisian restaurants are notoriously tight spaced – chairs stuck together side by side or back to back – restaurant goers would likely not have left their assault rifles on their lap and risked harassing their neighbours and waiters with the end of their gun barrel. Instead they would have had to politely rest them against their chests and tried not to lean forward too much when taking a bite.

Perhaps in Trump’s successful version of Friday night, Parisians had a more practical handgun – a lightweight semiautomatic – tucked away in a holster or ankle strap. But, with him being more of an eye-for-an-eye (if not an eye-for-your-wife-and-horse) kind of man, he must have meant for them to have been armed with AK-47s to match the fire power of their assailants.

At the end of the day, the strength and speed of the firearm would probably not have been so important, as long as there were some projectiles being fired in the opposite direction. Then, rather than being killed helplessly, defenselessly, locals and tourists alike could have shown those terrorist motherfuckers a piece of their mind and saved themselves or some of their fellow men and women. Of course, some would have been hit by friendly fire; but at least there would have been some modicum of patriotism and self-defense to the ghastly affair. It really would have been a much better way of dealing with events on Friday night – all up until the moment the poor Kalashnikov-armed citizen soldier made the fatal realization that each terrorist was doubly equipped with a suicide vest.

It’s unfortunate that, with 42% of US Republican voters cheering Trump on, the world seems to be faced with ruination from two separate menacing ideologies: jihadist extremism from the East and unrestrained stupidity from the West.

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